Clarissa & Naham

It is so funny to see Clarissa playing with her friends these days. From worrying that she won't play well and nice with other children, I have seen her developed friendship at school. 

Every morning when I dropped her at school, there will be this little girl name Naham waiting for her. She is a pretty little Arabian girl with big brown eyes and fair skin. Whenever Naham saw Clarissa going into the TV room (where all the kids stay before school starts), she will give her a big smile. After that all her attention will be on Clarissa and the two will talked non stop. Peeping at them from the window outside, I always wonder what they were chatting about. There was even one time where I saw her putting her arm protectively over Clarissa's shoulder trying to protect her from another girl whom, for some reason, Clarissa didn't like. 

However, for the past two days my little weirdo daughter felt annoyed whenever her little friend tried to ask her to play. And her little friend, sensing her moodiness, did not dare to insist on playing with her. I could see from the outside that she was acting very cautious with Clarissa to avoid annoying her further. So, I decided to lecture my daughter a bit, telling her that she should play nice with everybody. Luckily, being a filial daughter, she always remember what Mommy said, and this morning when she went into the TV room, she called for her little friend. I can immediately see the Naham's face lit up when Clarissa called her, and she touched her face affectionately, and once again put her little arm on Clarissa's shoulder. 

It was a touching moment to see two little girls from two different classes (yup, that's right, the only time they played together, was just during that one hour in the morning), two different countries, two different nationalities being such good friends. I am sure over the years Clarissa and Naham will have more friends, but I do hope that they will be able to maintain their little friendship. 

The funny thing is, the other day I celebrated Clarissa's birthday at school, and the following day, I found out that Naham was celebrating hers. I could not help wondering whether you should call that "緣份“.....

A trip to the urban area

Can't remember where I read this before - when your kid start asking you what is a goat, then it's probably time to take them to visit some urban areas- to a certain extent I have to agree to this statement.

These days, our children are too much of "city kids" , so much so that there are a lot of things they have not seen before. So, the other day, we decided to organise a trip for our "city kids" to have a taste of the urban area.

We went to a little town call Sekinchan, which is also a "kampong" of a friend of mine. There, Clarissa saw things like paddy field, vegetables farms, fruit trees and other things which she doesn't have a chance to see in the city. Even for us adults, we find it so interesting. I wouldn't even know that dragon fruit came from a cactus look alike tree if I have not seen it myself. We also went to this little hill call Bandar Malawati where they were a lots of monkeys roaming freely. Before this, she only get to see monkeys in the zoo! And our trip ended with a visit to see the fireflies. To get to the place, she even experienced sitting in a "sampan" in total darkness. She kept telling me that the fireflies on the trees looked like christmas lightings and how beautiful it was.

Although it may not be a comfortable trip, due to the heat etc. I am glad she enjoyed it so much. It is so important to teach our children to appreciate Mother Nature. If I don't bring her to see and enjoy these things now, when she grows up, she may not even have a chance anymore. At the rate things are going, by then probably there will not be any fireflies around.

However, I think overall she enjoyed the trip as much as I enjoyed the "Shark Spicy Porridge" (a famouse delicacy from that village :), because even after a few days we came back, she was still telling me - "Thank you Mommy for bringing me to see the fireflies".

The "V" Word

Eversince she recovered from her stomach flu, Clarissa has been saying a lot of the "v" word. Which "v" word you may asked.... well.... "V" for vomit....

I think she vomitted so many times that she seems to have phobia on it. Of course, I also think mainly because when she was sick, she was treated like a queen, where she can gets away with everything. For example, everything that she doesn't like to do, she doesn't have to do it. I guess all parents do give face to their kids when they are sick. But, we sometimes forget how clever and manupulative our kids are. One good example is my dear daughter, who has recovered from her sickness since last Monday, but up to date, when she doesn't want to eat something or thinks she can get away from school, she will tell me she has stomachache and wants to vomit. And being a real drama queen, she can really act like she was in pain, crunching her tummy and covering her mouth as though the puke is going to come out anytime. But just show her something that interests her and she will forget all about the pain and vomit in one second :)

Not only she tried her trick on me, she also tried it on her class teacher. After the first day the teacher allowed her to rest, she tried to do the same thing the next day. Luckily for me (unluckily for her) her teacher are smarter than she thought. So instead of allowing her to have her way, she told her she can go vomit after she finished the work that she asked her to do. This is because her teacher told me she noticed that everytime she asked her to do some work, she will say she wants to vomit.

Few days ago, hubby and me bought her a pair of hamsters as pet. In exchange, I banned her from saying the "v" word, and true enough, the pair of hamsters were able to distract her from saying that. As the saying goes, you are smart but Mommy is not stupid either :P

Special tribute to Dr Foo Ong Pin of SJMC

Last night, Clarissa got me worried as she started vomiting non-stop from about 8pm. In the end, at about 1am in the morning, we decided to take her to the hospital, as she was also complaining of severe tummy ache which has never happened before. Luckily the doctor diagnosed her of stomach flu only, and it was supposed to be nothing serious. But the doctor did say that if the vomiting and tummy ache does not stop, then I will need to bring her back today.

She does feel slightly better today, but as I had never taken her to this hospital before, I was not 100% confident that they are correct. So, when she still complained that she has tummy ache this morning, I decided to call her pediatrician, Dr Foo, who has been attending to her since birth. And that brought me to a very sad finding. I was told by the hospital that Dr Foo had passed away in June. I was in total shock (even until now), because he has always been such a healthy and rosy cheeked man in his fifties. 

Needless to say, the hospital will not reveal on how or why he passed away, so I decided to google on him, and found out that he died of pancreatic cancer after a short battle. I would not say I am close to him or what, but I cannot help feeling a sense of deep lost, that such a talented and kind doctor has to leave the world so soon. 

He is one of the only doctor that Clarissa has no problem visiting every single time. Not because he has a lot of toys in his room, but he had never failed to give her a kiss every single time she visited him. He will always greet her with a smile the moment she stepped into his room asking - "How are you Clarissa?" Everytime after he was done with the examination, he never failed to ask us, the parents, if we have any other concerns. And if I have other queries, like whether she can travel at young age, or I find some unusual things on her, all I need to do is call his clinic and he will definitely answer and make me feel calm again. Most of the time, I bet he did not even remember who we are, but he will still treats my child with concern and care, all out of genuine sincerity. In this current materialistic world, how many doctors would have done or behaved this way? 

I am deeply saddened by the news of his demised, and that Clarissa would never have the chance to see her "favorite doctor" (as how she fondly calls him) ever again. I am glad that during her last visit to him, which if I remember correctly was somewhere beginning of the year, that I told him Clarissa said - "Dr Foo is my favorite doctor" - and he was very happy about it. 

You may not remember all your patients, but all your patients will definitely remember you of your gentle manner, calm composure and kindness. May you rest in peace Dr Foo Ong Pin of SJMC.

You don't understand English ah, huh???

These days, a lot of times when I asked Clarissa to do something for me, or not to do something naughty, she will ignores me completely. Sometimes I got so irritated and I will tell her - "Clarissa, didn't I say not to do this? Why are you still doing it? You don't understand English?" Still, she will ignore until I threaten to punish her :)

Little did I realise that she has been absorbing everything I told her.... The other day, she came into the room to tell me something interesting she saw on TV. I could not make out what she was saying, despite her repeating it a few times. In the end, she was very frustrated and she told me this - "Mommy, you don't understand English ah, HUH?HUH? HUH?" (Have to repeat the "Huh" 3 times somemore). I was so amused at her question! But I wasn't stupid enough to keep quiet, so I told her -"Mommy understands English, but not YOUR English!" And this was exactly her reply, when I said the same thing about her not understanding English yesterday.

Luckily she could not understand or speak Cantonese, otherwise God knows what she will be telling me after listening to me talking to her aunties & Daddy :-P

First Homework

Today, Clarissa did her first homework given by the school. I can't believe she is old enough to be doing homework so soon. Or should I say, I can't believe my little baby has grown this fast to be doing homework already. 

 

It is just 3 pieces of simple work, which she has to write and color during the Hari Raya holidays. Mommy is proud that she managed to sit through the "homework session" with me, and finished 2 out of the 3 pages. She is just 4 years old, so I can understand that her concentration is very limited. I allowed her to finish the 1st piece first (which already took 30 minutes) and rest for 20 minutes before we started the 2nd page. She told me she will do the last page tomorrow and I agreed to it, because I believe sitting still for almost an hour is already her limits, especially for my Clarissa, where concentrating on doing one thing for long has always been difficult for her. 

 

And I am proud to present her work in the pictures above. It may not be a fantastic coloring job, but coming from my little girl, Mommy thinks it is the best, because I knew she tried her best, and that is what is important. 

Me - A Bad Mommy

I hate myself for being so impatient with Clarissa at times, especially when I am tired and stressed out. 

For instance tonight, she kept pestering me to do this and do that for her. Little things that her Kakak and Daddy can do, and she was insisting that Mommy has to do it. Just now, she told me to carry her and feed her her milk, but I told her I could not do it because I was busy. She insisted that I have to do it, so I told her, in that case she can chose not to drink, and we can throw away the milk. Her answer was - ok, throw the milk away. In other words, she was telling me if I don't feed her, she might as well not drink. I got upset and punished her for wasting food. She cried hard because of that, and promised me through her sobs, that she won't waste her milk ever again. I was heartbroken seeing her like that. Suddenly it strikes me -  all she had wanted was just a hug, a cuddle and a little attention from me. Because I was tired and totally stressed out, I have failed to see that. 

I always make it a point to give her a big hug and a big kiss when I come home from work, but tonight, I have forgotten to do so. That was why she was trying hard to get my attention. How can I not notice it? And all I had done was being impatient with her the whole evening. What a bad Mommy I have been.....

Sometimes, I let my stress get the best of me, and at those times I have failed to appreciate those people who are important to me, like tonight. However, it is never too late to mend the situation. I gave her a big cuddle and a big kiss just now, carried her to feed her her milk, and now she is sleeping peacefully next to me.... I hope tonight will be remembered every day, and that I will not forget to give her my full attention when I am home, because all she had wanted was to share a little of Mommy's time, with Mommy alone...

School time

It has now been 2 weeks since Clarissa started school. Although she didn't cry at all (suprisingly), there had been complaints from her that she doesn't want to go to school. Like the other day, she overheard that I was going for breakfast with Godma and she wanted to follow us to eat "mum mum" before she goes to school. Probably having breakfast with Mommy was more important than going to school for her. 

So far, I have been pretty satisfied with her new school, as they managed to discipline her well. She had this bad habit of sleeping in class in her previous nursery, and the teachers there didn't mind at all. Here in the new school, the teacher allowed her to do that for the first few days, but after that, whenever she wanted to take a nap, the teacher will distract her by asking her to do something else. 

When I asked her the other day whether she slept in school, she told me this - " I asked teacher if I can sleep for 2 minutes, and the teacher said - No Clarissa, it's not sleeping time yet". She even came back with a stamp on her arm, and when I asked her how she got that, she told me, only good girls that listen to teacher during music time will get that. On the other hand, her teacher was telling me that she is doing very fine in school, asking many many questions all the time and following her instructions. 

What can I say, except that my little baby has grown into a matured little girl, and Mommy is very proud of her! 

Yeh Yeh and Clarissa

Children that has the love of their grandparents are such lucky children. Although I never experienced love and care from my parents, I always think that I am a lucky child, because at the time when I need them most, my grandparents were there to take me and my sister in. Although not all the memories were good as our family were very poor, I am still thankful that they brought us up and we wouldn't be what we were today without them.

In a way, Clarissa is luckier than me because she has got Daddy and Mommy, to love and care for her. But the unlucky part was, out of four grandparents, she only has one Yeh Yeh (Grandpa) left. Then, the lucky part again is, she has a chance to meet her great grandparents who treats her like a princess. 

In the eyes of her Yeh Yeh, she is everything. Yeh Yeh helps my maid to take care of her since she was a baby, and that is why she is very attach to him. Yeh Yeh also always give her everything she wants, irregardless of whether it is good or not for her. And Yeh Yeh sometimes drives Mommy nuts, because things that Mommy said no, Yeh Yeh will still do. Everytime things like this happens, I try to remind myself of a saying in Chinese - "Teaching a child is the responsibility of the parents, and pampering (in this case more on spoiling) the child is the responsibility of the grandparents."

Although she is so young, Clarissa cares a lot for her Yeh Yeh. Whenever we joked and say we will send Yeh Yeh to Godma's place because he is naughty, she will become all teary and beg us not to do it, because she doesn't want him to leave her. And everytime Yeh Yeh has appointment at the hospital, she will asked why he needs to go to the hospital, and what the doctor said. To her, Yeh Yeh is as important to her as much as she is to him.

Nevermind that Yeh Yeh upsets Mommy at times because he spoils her rotten! I may not be very nice to him at times like that, but deep down, I truly appreciates that he is there to help take care of her on a daily basis, sacrificing his mahjong session just to be at home, to ensure that she is well taken care of by the maid. I am also thankful that, although Clarissa has only one grandparent left, the love and care that she gets from Yeh Yeh alone is enough to compensate those who are no longer around.....

First Day at School

Clarissa attended her 1st day of proper school today. Mommy & Daddy were quite concern on how she would cope with it after 2 months of holidays. The fact that she was in a pre-school for 2 years didn't help much, because she was very fond of her teachers and friends in the previous school, and therefore I was concern on whether she will be able to adapt in a totally different environment. 

Knowing my daughter's character, I know she has to be prepared for the change. So, what I did was, informed her few months ahead that she will be going into a big school because the current school is no longer suitable for "big girl" like her. I also told her all her friends have gone to big school like her because they are all big girls already :-P Next, I took her to the school before school starts, to show her how her new school will look like. Of course the playground and the toys in the school helps to encourage her more. And the last thing I did was to force her to sleep early, so that she can wake up early. Mommy has to sacrifice too in this case, because it has been almost 10 years since I woke up at 5.45am!

We were so proud to see her in her school uniform with her school bag, because it shows how much my little girl has grown. When we reached the school, initially I was still worried, but the moment she stepped into her class, all my worries were gone. She was her confident self again, saying "hi" to the teachers and her new friends. She even gave her new teacher a big hug and before I decided to make a move, she was already saying goodbye to me and her Daddy :) 

When I went to pick her later, her teachers told me she was doing well. Although she later told me she misses her old school and friends, after some persuasion and assurance from me, she said she does like her new school and was having fun. I only managed to let out a sigh of relief then! 

I hope she will continue to enjoy her new school, as this is where she will be until she is 16. People always say, the best memories and best friends comes from the school days. I know it is not easy for her as she is only 3 1/2 years old, and that is why I am always there to give her a lot of encouragement and support. With this, I am sure I will be able to help her cope better in this new environment. 

I'm A Paranoid Mommy

My sister in law calls me a "Paranoid Mommy" all the time J 

 

I once asked a dentist at what age my daughter can wear braces, because some friends told me her teeth looks too ugly due to the reason she sucks too much pacifier. I never let my maid take my baby anywhere alone, fearing that she will take my baby out and never comes back. I forbid my baby to step foot in the balcony area without supervision, for fear that she will climb the railing when nobody was around. I always tell my baby that she must hold Mommy's hand when we are outside, or someone may take her away and she will not be able to see Mommy again. 

 

Since birth, my baby has never been separated from me for even one night, because I feels very uncomfortable doing that. She's my only child, and I do not even know if there will be a 2nd one coming along. Therefore, I have to give her the best protection. I don't mind letting her explore things that she's capable to do, but I do not take chances with her. 

 

I may be over protective or over paranoid, but that's just me as a Mommy, for I always believe - "better be safe than sorry!" You can even call me a “Crazy Mommy” and I am not bothered! J

 

 

How I got the name Clarissa

Before we got to know the gender of the baby when I was pregnant, we have already decided that if it was to be a girl, I will chose the name and Hubby will do it if it was a boy. For some reason, a lot of people tends to think that I was going to have a boy (although I was secretly hoping that it will be the other way round). 

So, my hubby got ready some names for us to chose. It is our family tradition to have the children's name starts with "C" because the whole family has names starts with it - Christie (my father in law), Christine, Christopher, Cynthia, Carrie and Caryn. Hubby came out with the suggestion Christian, Cornelius and Calvin. I thought Christian was ok, but he was very keen in Cornelius instead. All of us were horrified that the baby will be named after that :) It reminded us so much of the name "Cornelius Fudge", from the Harry Potter book (it was the hit then). And I certainly did not want to name my son Calvin because I didn't want him to be Calvin & Hobbes (Daddy was a little devil when he was young, he was named "The Rascal"). So, I was praying very very hard that it will not be a boy. Hubby was adamant to use that name, no matter how all of us were totally against it (come'on, can you imagine having your son being called "Corn Corn"!)

On the other hand, I prepared some names for a girl. I was trying to decide between Charmaine, Charlotte and Clarissa. Initially, I thought I would go for Charlotte but was concern that some people may not be able to pronounce it properly and she would ended up being laughed at all the time. As I was googling for the meaning of the name, I came across "Clarissa" again and it means "brilliant" in Greek. I thought to myself, I wouldn't mind having a brilliant child, so we decided that if it was a girl, we will call her that. Moreover, I thought it would be nice for her to be called "Sa Sa" in chinese (for my grandparents especially, as they don't speak English). 

I was totally relieved after my 5 months scan, when the doctor confirmed that it was going to be a girl, for I knew for sure, my child wouldn't be called "Corn Corn" or worst still, "Corny" :D Until now, I am still trying to convince Hubby that we will not name our 2nd child Cornelius if it is going to be a son......

So Sweet & So Funny!

At first, tonight I thought I would like to tell you all why the name Clarissa was chosen. But then something very sweet happened. 

 

As I was sitting next to her on the bed, she suddenly SAID TO me - "Mommy, I am so glad you are my Mommy". I asked her why she's glad since Mommy always scold her, and she said -"You always scold me because you are my Mommy". I think she's trying to explain to me that I am scolding her for her own good, because Mommy always want the best things for her. So I asked her again, why doesn't she think she will be HAPPIER if Ku Ma, or Kakak, or Godma is her Mommy. She said "No"and told me - "Because I only love you and you only love me, that's why". Her answer brought tears of joy to my eyes.

 

Then another funny thing happened tonight, and I thought I will share this joke with you guys as well. 

 

A nice client of mine from Beijing gave me the Olympic Mascot toy today. So, I gave it to Clarissa and told her the dolly's name is Huan Huan (歡歡). When Daddy came home just now, she showed Daddy the dolly, and asked me to tell her the dolly's name again. I told her she's call Huan Huan and it means Happy in Chinese. She thought for a while and said, "Huan Huan means "Happy", and "Too Too" means "Sad", right Mommy?" I asked her to repeat herself and she said the same thing. Hubby and I were scratching our head on why she thinks "Too To" means "Sad". Then we found the answer - she thought I said the dolly's name was "One One" which means "Happy" and therefore "Two Two" automatically means "Sad". 

She's such a clown, isn't she?

The Guessing Game

Playing the guessing game with Clarissa - she gave the clues and I guessed..... try and see if you can guess correctly (she's only 3 1/2, so the clues may be too easy for you :-p) Refer to the answers at the end of this article...

 

1. I am brown with sharp shiny claws.....

2. I am big with a horn on top of my head and I like to swim in the water....

3. ooh ooh aah aah... and I like bananas......

4. I have long neck and I eat leaves....

5. I have big stumping feet (walk around stomping the ground) with a long trunk....

6. I am grey and I live in the sea.....

7. I am brown with big feet....

8. I am colorful and I like to eat honey from the flowers and I fly (flapping her hands)....

 

And when she grew tired in thinking of what clues she should gave me, she make these sounds - woof woof, miaw miaw... I guess I don't need to say more to tell you what she's pretending, right? 

 

Answers:-

1. Lion (she decides which is correct, I guess tiger but she said it was wrong)

2. Rhinoceros (I said hippo and she told me it doesn't comes with a horn)

3. Monkey (need I say more...)

4. Giraffe (I thought it was a panda bear in the beginning)

5. Elephant

6. Seal (I said it was a shark, but like I said, she's the boss, so she decides on the answer!)

7. Bear (I got this correct, finally)

8. Butterfly (I said bee because of the honey, but she told me again it's colorful, so it has to be a butterfly, isn't it??)

 

It was just a simple game played between she and Mommy. But it was kinda of cute that she managed to think of so many clues and the way she pretended to be the animals. And I think it was a good exercise for her brain too. Don't you think so?

Silly Clarissa

It had been a few days since my last blog. Well, it was because I was too busy chasing after a Korean drama and couldn't concentrate on anything until I am done with it :) And just as I finished last night, my little girl gave me something funny to blog about today!

Recently, she seems to be very interested to speak on the phone. Yesterday, she asked her grandpa to help her call her favorite cousin just to chat with her. And today, when the phone rang, she quickly ran and answered it. It was her Cool Ma (as she pronounced it- supposed to be Ku Ma), but she couldn't recognised the voice and thought it was me. Well, her Cool Ma's voice does sounds very similar to Mommy, so I can't blame her for mistaken that for me. So, Cool Ma told her to ask her grandpa to meet her downstairs, because she wanted to take him to see the doctor. But she told Cool Ma - "No, I don't need to see a doctor" and put down the phone on her. Then, she told my maid and grandpa that it was Mommy on the phone, and they called me to clarify. I, of course told them I didn't call. Finally, Cool Ma managed to get grandpa on the other line... Phew! 

When I asked her who she thought the caller was, she kept insisting it was me. So, I explained to her that, that wasn't me but her Cool Ma. She kept quiet for a second and I asked her again, why did she think that Cool Ma was me? She thought for a while and answered - "Because I am silly Clarissa" :). Yeah, she is always Mommy's silly bunny, as I call her....

The Grumpy Baby

Clarissa was a grumpy little baby when she was young (she is still one grumpy girl now). Her favorite expression was to lock her eyebrows together and she doesn’t smile a lot. Everybody said she is a moody child. I can’t help feeling guilty about this because I always think that I contributed to her moodiness, as I was always very cranky when I was pregnant with her, and people said – cranky Mommy, cranky baby J

 

Not only she was grumpy, she was also a cry-baby. I remember the day after her first month (right after the confinement lady left), she was already crying non-stop, not because she has colic. It was simply because I was trying to wean her and at 2 months old, she was already fighting with me by refusing to drink her milk for the whole day.

 

She is still a cry baby now and whenever she cried, I will tell her that she’s a big girl now and should not behave like that. But she will answer by telling me that I always say she’s my “Big Baby” and so she can still behave like one. 

I normally tell her not to cry by reasoning with her, but I seldom stop her because I always believe that a child should be free to express her emotion, which means, if she feels like crying, she should do so. I would rather have a cry baby now, than having a daughter who will keep everything to herself when she grows up.

 

So, my dear child, it doesn’t matter what other people say, you are always Mommy’s “Big Baby” and you can always behave like one whenever you are with Mommy.

 

Clarissa= "Little Minie Me"

If I look at Clarissa just like that, I would not say she looks very much like me. Or at least I thought so; until my Grandma told me she’s a replica of me when I was her age. So I start searching for pictures of me at her age, and what a surprise! She did look like me (just look at the picture, don’t you think so too??)

 

Putting the look aside, she has every bit of me in her. All the bad and good things, especially the bad things where I pray hard she won’t get from me. She is very stubborn and over confident sometimes, just like me J (Well, that’s the good part of it). She is in a bad mood when she doesn’t get enough sleep, just like Mommy. She’s talkative (like Mommy and Daddy, I would say). She even has mouth ulcers all the time, just like me!

 

However, whenever I look at her, I just can’t help thinking that no matter how much she looks like me or behave like me, she is so much luckier than me. For one, I don’t have parents that love her as much as her we do. Maybe because of that, I always tell myself that I will always work hard to give her all the good things within my means (and make sure she appreciates it). I pray and hope that she will have a much, much happier childhood compare to Mommy, and that she will never ever have to go through what Mommy has gone through as a child….. 

PRAISES FOR YOUR CHILD. HOW SHOULD U REACT?

Whenever someone offered praises to your child, what do you normally say (besides thank you)? I am sure all of us will say things like – “No la, where got, she’s not pretty, she’s very naughty at home blah blah blah.” Being a typical Asian, we were brought up to be humble, and that means when we get praises from other people, our parents will not admit it in front of us, fearing that we will grow up to be an arrogant person. But what they have neglected is how we feel, isn’t it?

 

I once read an article about this subject which I think is very interesting, and would like to take this opportunity to share it with all of you. The author has awakened me on how I should react when someone offered praises for my daughter.

 

For instance, someone will come and tell me, “Oh she looks so pretty”, and being the typical Asian, I will say “Nola, where got, look at her teeth (trying to find flaws in her)”. It didn’t occur to me how she would feel about it. Of course now she is too young to understand, but if I do not change my attitude, I will continue to behave this way even when she’s older. Imagine how demotivated she will feel, if every single time, someone offered her praises in front of Mommy,but Mommy always disagree with this person. She would probably think, why is it that other people think she’s good, but her own Mommy never thinks so? And why is it that she always can't get the same approval that other people are giving her, from her own Mommy?

 

Reading the article made me realized sub consciously we are not being fair to our own children. So, from then on, I always make sure if friends or relatives offered praises to my girl, I will agree with them. We don’t need to reinforce it too much if we are worried that it may create an arrogance attitude in the child, but we do not need to say "NO" either, everytime someone is to praise the child. Motivating a child helps to build confidence in him or her, and being confident is such an important aspect in their life later. Shouldn’t we as parents be the one to help them build their confidence instead of the other way round?

"My Best Friend"

My best friend, Carmen, has a daughter name Yuanyi, who is just 2 months older than Clarissa. When she called me 3 ½ years ago on the day she was pregnant, I felt very happy and at the same time a little disappointed. Happy for her because she will soon have a baby, disappointed because I had been trying for more than 1 year with no good news … Surprisingly after 2 months, I found out I was pregnant (until today we have been joking that her pregnancy is contagious). What could be better than being pregnant at the same time, where we could shared our experiences together during that 9 months. I guess nobody could understand how a pregnant woman felt better than another pregnant woman J

We were even happier when we found out that both of us will be having girls! These 2 girls, being born in the same year, has a lot of similarities in them. Both are very stubborn and don’t react well with strangers. When they were young, they both even looked alike for some reason. There was even once when her own granpa mistaken Yuanyi for Clarissa!

I remember when they were younger, they both didn’t play well with each other. Everytime when I organized for the parents to come over for dinner, both of them will be playing with themselves only. But now that they are older, both started referring the other party as their “Best Friend”.

Seeing the way they played with each other today (they came over for dinner), made me realized how much these girls have grown, and how fast time flies. Soon, I believe they will they will be talking about schools, TV shows or probably boys instead of Barbie dolls or playing cooking…. I, of course hope and pray hard the “boys” part will only come 15 years from now J

 

MA-MAI-NO

Most children will start calling their mother “Mommy” or “Mie”, but not Clarissa. For some reason, she started by calling me “Ma-Mai-No”. What was the reason, I wasn’t sure. No matter how I corrected her, she will still call me that, confusing friends and relatives. It went on for about a year, and she later changed it to “Ma-Mai”. By chance, I found out from a Brazilian client that her kids called her “Ma-Mai” because it means Mommy in Portuguese. Could it be the Portuguese blood in her? I asked myself. As she grows older, Ma-Mai became Mommy. And now, sometimes when I disciplined her, she will even answer me – “Yes, Mother”.

Although “Ma-Mai-No” sounded quite weird, I actually missed her calling me that now. Calling me that sort of name gave me the feeling that I am someone very special to her, and that was why she gave her Mommy a special name.   

"You are forever pretty to me, Daddy"

The other night, Daddy came home early and decided to take Clarissa for a walk at the supermarket and a slice of cake.

While they were at the baking section of the supermarket, Clarissa suggested to Daddy to buy some baking equipments and ingredients to make some cookies and cakes. A lady next to them thought she was so interesting because she spoke so well and was so talkative. She asked Hubby whether he is a chef because Clarissa seems to know so much about baking J Hubby told her he’s not, but he made bread when he’s free (yup, my hubby baked his own bread, as in, he did it from scratched – make the dough etc.) Then the lady commented that Clarissa is pretty and was asking whether her mom is non-Chinese (yup, me J). Hubby told her “no”, the non-Chinese is him, but Clarissa looks more like her aunties (typical man, isn’t it? Can’t bear to lose face!!).

After the lady left, Clarissa asked her Daddy what the lady was talking about. Daddy told her that the lady said, she’s pretty and that she thought Clarissa looks like Mommy, which means Daddy is not good looking enough. And you know what Clarissa answered? She said – “No Daddy. You are my Daddy and you are forever pretty to me.”

Daddy was so touched by her words and I am sure he will remember this for the rest of his life J

Separation anxiety

Clarissa started attending pre-school at the age of 2. Just like all parents out there, I was worried whether she would be able cope, especially at such a young age. I will never forget the first day of her school, because it’s a day where you realized she’s no longer a baby …. and no matter how unwilling you are, you will have to let her learn to be independent.

The first 2 weeks were ok for her, because there were lots of toys at the school. After the initial 2 weeks, she began to realize that she has to go everyday and that’s when the problem started. Like all school beginners, she was worried that Mommy will leave her at the school, and never turned up to pick her. Therefore, every morning became a struggle for her and me, because I have to be the bad Mommy who will leave her with her teachers even when she was crying hysterically. This is because I knew that if I stayed on with her, it will make the separation harder, and it will be more difficult for her to cope because she will think that by crying, Mommy will not leave her at the school anymore. So, I knew what I needed to do was to assure her that Mommy will not leave her no matter what.

Every morning when I left her at the school, I will tell her that I will come and pick her when school finished. No matter how hard she cried, I made sure she heard that part of my promise. And when I picked her later, I will remind her that I kept my promise and that I was there just like I promised. Gradually, the goodbyes became easier and easier. I also encouraged her to bring one of her favorite toy to school, so she could show it to her friends and teachers. Having something familiar with her definitely made her feel more secured and comfortable. Finally, before I knew it, I was already saying goodbye to her at the doorstep of the school and there were no more tears from her.

My advise for first time parents who are sending their children to school is this- try not to stay on with the child in class, if possible. This is because the longer you stay with her, the more difficult it is for her to adapt to the new environment, and the more she will rely on you. I know it’s very hard, especially when the child is crying hysterically. I myself have witnessed the Mommies crying outside the class when the child is crying inside J. But this is part of her growing up. No matter how reluctant we are, we have to let them go, or they will never learn. Most important of all, is for us to make the child understand that Mommy will always be there when they need us, although it may not be immediate J. And we will never leave them no matter what happened. A child that has good sense of security will grow to be a confident and independent adult. Isn’t this what all parents are hoping for?