Separation anxiety

Clarissa started attending pre-school at the age of 2. Just like all parents out there, I was worried whether she would be able cope, especially at such a young age. I will never forget the first day of her school, because it’s a day where you realized she’s no longer a baby …. and no matter how unwilling you are, you will have to let her learn to be independent.

The first 2 weeks were ok for her, because there were lots of toys at the school. After the initial 2 weeks, she began to realize that she has to go everyday and that’s when the problem started. Like all school beginners, she was worried that Mommy will leave her at the school, and never turned up to pick her. Therefore, every morning became a struggle for her and me, because I have to be the bad Mommy who will leave her with her teachers even when she was crying hysterically. This is because I knew that if I stayed on with her, it will make the separation harder, and it will be more difficult for her to cope because she will think that by crying, Mommy will not leave her at the school anymore. So, I knew what I needed to do was to assure her that Mommy will not leave her no matter what.

Every morning when I left her at the school, I will tell her that I will come and pick her when school finished. No matter how hard she cried, I made sure she heard that part of my promise. And when I picked her later, I will remind her that I kept my promise and that I was there just like I promised. Gradually, the goodbyes became easier and easier. I also encouraged her to bring one of her favorite toy to school, so she could show it to her friends and teachers. Having something familiar with her definitely made her feel more secured and comfortable. Finally, before I knew it, I was already saying goodbye to her at the doorstep of the school and there were no more tears from her.

My advise for first time parents who are sending their children to school is this- try not to stay on with the child in class, if possible. This is because the longer you stay with her, the more difficult it is for her to adapt to the new environment, and the more she will rely on you. I know it’s very hard, especially when the child is crying hysterically. I myself have witnessed the Mommies crying outside the class when the child is crying inside J. But this is part of her growing up. No matter how reluctant we are, we have to let them go, or they will never learn. Most important of all, is for us to make the child understand that Mommy will always be there when they need us, although it may not be immediate J. And we will never leave them no matter what happened. A child that has good sense of security will grow to be a confident and independent adult. Isn’t this what all parents are hoping for?