Turning 5 too soon!

It has now been more than 5 months since my last blog. Somehow, since the incident that happened to my auntie, I couldn't bring myself to write anything. Many times, there were things on Clarissa that I wanted to document out, but I just couldn't bring myself to write. But today, somehow, somewhat I feel like updating this blog again. Perhaps, I am afraid that if I don't do this, in years to come, I may forget the nice little things that had happened to my little girl.....

Clarissa will be turning 5 soon. I sometimes cannot believe that time are flying so fast, that she is no longer the little baby that I used to carry in my arms... although sometimes I still ask her to pretend to be one :) ... In a way, she is still my little baby, especially at times when she let me cradled her, and pretended to cry like a newborn, when I asked her to. A part of me is so happy to see that she is growing into an active and mischevious little young lady, but another part of me misses the fact that she might soon be too independent for me to treat her like a baby anymore.

She is still the sensitive little girl though, especially when it comes to her emotions. Like the other day, she was looking at a butterfly on the floor, when a naughty little girl suddenly stepped on it, killing the butterfly. She was very upset and sad by the behavior of this little girl, that she came to me in tears, telling me she is very mad at the girl for doing that. She asked me where the butterfly will go, and I have to tell her that it will go to Heaven. She understood that, going to Heaven means, you will never see the thing or the person ever again. This incident traumatized her so much, that she kept asking me and her Daddy to promise, that we will not go to Heaven and leave her here.

It broke my heart to hear that...... I wanted to explain to her that nobody will lives forever, but I guess at her age now, it will not be possible for her to understand. And so, I tell myself, I must be healthy enough to live to the day where she will come to understand that, sooner or later, everybody goes to Heaven.... but no matter where Mommy is, she will always be her guardian angel forever...